Charlie: Hey, wanna hear something amusing?
Charlie: According to my girlfriend, underneath all the superficial, cool stuff in my life...there's actually a real me.
Alan: Hmm. No kidding.
Charlie: Apparently, he's quite a guy.
A: I'd like to meet him sometime.
Charlie: Don't hold your breath.
Alan: My girlfriend, on the other hand, has no idea who I really am...damn little desire to find out...and is only interested in riding me like a mustang, and draining me of all bodily fluids.
Charlie: Huh. How do you feel about that?
A: ...I think I love her.
Charlie: You know what? Love isn't blind; it's retarded.