Nessun Dorma

Charlie: Hey, wanna hear something amusing?

Alan: Always.

Charlie: According to my girlfriend, underneath all the superficial, cool stuff in my life...there's actually a real me.

Alan: Hmm. No kidding.

Charlie: Apparently, he's quite a guy.

A: I'd like to meet him sometime.

Charlie: Don't hold your breath.

Alan: My girlfriend, on the other hand, has no idea who I really am...damn little desire to find out...and is only interested in riding me like a mustang, and draining me of all bodily fluids.

Charlie: Huh. How do you feel about that?

A: ...I think I love her.

Charlie: You know what? Love isn't blind; it's retarded.