Charlie: Whoa, do not tell Mom about this nomination.

Alan: Why? It's a good thing.

Charlie: It doesn't matter. If it's a good thing, she'll find a way to make it bad.

Alan: Okay, now you're just being ridiculous.

Charlie: Oh, really? Let's try a little experiment. I'll pretend I'm Mom, you tell me something good.

Alan: Uh, all right, um... Hey, Mom, I have discovered a cure for cancer.

Charlie (as Evelyn): Very nice. Shame you couldn't do it in time to save Uncle Walter's left testicle.

Alan: ......

Charlie: Come on, give me another one.

Alan: No, I get the idea.

Charlie: No, no, no. Hit me.

Alan: Okay, um...Gee, Mom, it really is a beautiful day, huh?

Charlie: Try telling that to Uncle Walter's one good nut.

Alan: Okay, um...I adore my son.

Charlie: Somebody has to.

Alan: How about friendship?

Charlie: How about Judas?

Alan: Family?

Charlie: Manson.

Alan: Puppies?

Charlie: Rabies.

Alan: Love?

Charlie: Communable disease.

Alan: You win.

Charlie: Quitter.

Alan: Leave me alone.

Charlie: You're already alone. Your wife threw you out, remember?


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